 |
Building A Solid Support System |
|
|
|
BUILDING A SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM Get
your house in order/Fill your world with healthy, positive support people. Marianne
walks to the door after her aerobics session with you.
Her body is fit; her muscles are firm; and her skin glistens with a
light, healthy coat of perspiration. But
she has a slightly troubled look that shows in the tightness around her mouth
and eyes. You
have given her a good workout. What's
missing? And
what about you? You usually feel
energized after teaching, but today you're worried that the baby sitter will be
upset if you're late again. Your
tooth aches, and you're wondering how you'll get an emergency appointment with a
dentist when you don't know any in this town, although you've lived here for
over a year. What
you need--and maybe what Marianne needs--is to examine your support network. The solid relationships you build with other people affect
your total health and wellness picture. Once
you have built a strong network of supportive relationships, you can serve as a
role model for your students--as well as be a member of their support team! We
all possess a drive that directs us to build relationships and alliances that
fill our needs and bolster our sense of importance.
We all like feeling loved, needed and appreciated.
What's more, it's good for us! The
Foundation Building
a solid support system is something like building a house.
The first thing you need is a strong foundation.
The foundation determines the stability and strength of the structure.
In the case of a support group, the foundation is not made of dirt, clay
or cement--but of your self-esteem. There
are two important components to self-esteem.
One is your sense of self-competence; the other is your self-worth.
Strong self-competence says, "I have the ability, expertise and/or
desire (vs. obligation) to give support to others.'' Strong self-worth says, "I deserve to receive the
support, strokes and help of others. I don't always have to be giving.
I need the gifts, expertise and insights of other people in my
life." This
balance of give and take in relationships helps you balance your life. Support
people contribute to your wellness by:
Let's
take a look at building a strong support structure in your life.
Using the analogy of a home, let's consider what people should live in
the various rooms of your house. The
Basement The
basement is a good place for a gym or workout room.
What kind of people belong here? As
a fitness professional, you probably have a strong network of professionals who
support, educate and stimulate your physical health.
These may include an exercise partner or a baby sitter to watch the
children while you work out. Another
important group that belongs in this network includes your health care support
people. Do you have a physician?
Often, fitness instructors are so healthy they don't look for doctors
until an emergency occurs. Then,
due to urgency or illness, they don't get the best doctor, just the most
convenient. Other health support
people include dentists, chiropractors and massage therapists. Another
room often found in the basement is the tool room.
This is maintenance headquarters. A
burst pipe, a car that won't start or a fuse box that blows are just some of the
many situations that can send your stress level through the roof. (Excuse the
expression.) The
best time to look for support people is before you need them.
That way you have time to get referrals, opinions and rates.
You have enough unexpected challenges each day.
Simplify your life by having names of doctors, dentists and repair people
already listed in your phone book. The
Main Floor Doesn't
every party end up in the kitchen? This
is the "heart" of the house, a place to sit and enjoy the company of
good friends. This room is filled
with the support people with whom you laugh, play and share your secret desires
and disappointments. The
challenge is balancing the number of casual acquaintances with solid
friendships. With limited time and
energy, you must jealously guard your precious friendship time.
Some people fill this room to the brim with casual friendships,
which--although nice--aren't deep enough to satisfy the craving for a soul mate.
On the other hand, some people get so busy that they neglect their
friends and end up finding this room a lonely place.
It's vital to balance your time so you can cultivate and nourish the
kinds of friendship that will get you through all the ups and downs of any life. Another
important aspect of your life is the spiritual side.
Visualize yourself stepping from the warm kitchen out onto a deck
overlooking the back yard. A cool
breeze refreshes you and, surrounded by nature, you can dwell peacefully on your
spiritual self and find your "center."
Spiritual support people are those individuals or groups who encourage
you to explore this side of yourself. They
can be religious leaders or lay people, bible study teachers, counselors or just
good friends. Who is helping you
grow spiritually? As an adult, you
need to step out of the busy world that is inside the house and spend some time
with the spirit inside you. In
the past, people would gather in the parlor or living room after a meal to share
a smoke and some stimulating conversation.
The smoking, of course, should stay a thing of the past!
But you still need conversation with people who will challenge your
thinking and expand your horizons. These
may be people of varied ages, races, creeds, religious backgrounds and ethnic
heritages. Often it's the differences in people that challenge you
intellectually, spiritually and professionally. A professor may challenge you intellectually.
The manager who trains you in your job can expand your view of yourself
and the world. To
attend to your financial affairs, walk into the study. The desk is cluttered. Dozens of projects are obviously going on, from paying
monthly bills to scanning shopping catalogs and filling out loan applications.
The calculator paper curls down along the desk, almost touching the
floor. Important spending decisions
are in the works. Do
you have people in your support system who help you handle your money wisely?
Do you have someone who answers your questions about establishing credit,
refinancing a mortgage or claiming tax exemptions? (This is especially necessary
if you're an independent contractor) These
relationships are very important. (This is the room of the house I'm least
comfortable in--maybe that's why I married a CPA!)
Heading
upstairs, we find the bedrooms--first the children's room or guest room. If you have children, the support people in this room can
make or break you. The people who
help you care for your children may include your spouse, a nanny, sitters, day
care workers, relatives, pediatricians and teachers.
It's important that they be competent, understanding and reliable.
The time you invest in finding the right people to fill this room will
pay off big dividends in the long run. Whether
you are single or married, you need people to free you every so often from the
responsibility of caring for your children.
If you are married, it's essential to remember that you and your spouse
are the core unit of the family. You
should spend time together without the children, or your relationship will
wither. If you are a single parent,
you need "alone time" to nurture yourself.
Aren't we all better parents with a little nurturing? If
you don't have children, consider becoming the support person for someone who
does. Perhaps you can do some baby
sitting for a relative, neighbor or fellow instructor who could use a few hours
off. (Inviting a friend's child to spend the night could be a good way to put
that guest room to use!) The
master bedroom is extremely important because it's your room and because you
share it with your spouse or significant other.
The most important intimate relationship you can have is with yourself. Support people enable you to spend time alone in quiet
reflection so you can nurture yourself. Your
other intimate relationship will be with your spouse or significant other. During
certain times or seasons of your life, you may be alone in this room.
That is when all the other relationships in your life will mean the most. The
Attic This
is the spot for baggage. The
"stuff" left over from past relationships will be here.
Your "boxes in the attic" are the attitudes, defenses, fears,
strengths and behaviors you bring with you from the past. The
boxes may be neatly stacked or scattered all over. The neatly stacked boxes
contain the issues and hurts of your past that you've dealt with.
The cluttered boxes are the issues and fears you haven't dealt with.
Things will be easier to find if you take the time to organize all the
boxes. Find support
people--friends, family and counselors who will help you sort through the hurts
and fears and put them in their proper places. Your
Home What
types of people do you want to invite into your support system?
The sidebar will give you questions to ask that will help you make smart
choices. Of
course, support systems are not always relationships.
They can also be inanimate objects that help you balance your life--like
computers, cars, washers and dryers, copiers, fax machines, etc. But it's the relationships that make your life rich.
Other people---not machines--teach you to live passionately,
enthusiastically and fully. HOW
HEALTHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM? As
you consider the strength and diversity of your support people, ask yourself the
following questions:
YOUR
PLACE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SUPPORT NETWORK You
are the physical support person for many of your students or clients.
You encourage them to learn about their bodies and their motivation and
endurance (mental and physical). That's
powerful--and a privilege!
|
|
CALL US: 888.LIF.WALK Kate is a senior partner with CLC, Inc. |