Coaching: Tackling Tolerations
One of the roles of a coach is to ask
questions that evoke deeper thought about the choices a person is making
in relation to his or her health and career. These are called "powerful
questions." One of the most powerful questions for people involves their
"tolerations."
Tolerations are situations, circumstances, behaviors, attitudes or
people you endure, put up with or ignore, despite their draining
influence on your life and health. Some of the things we tolerate are
small, seemingly unimportant. Others are significant, actually "sucking
the life" out of us. (As one client described it.)
Smaller tolerations are the twisted phone cord that causes irritation
every time it§ picked up. Small tolerations are the tapes and CDs
scattered on the shelf, in the car or piled by the stereo, the utensil
drawer that’s a jumbled jungle or the cluster of boots, shoes, skates,
helmets and sports gear piled inches from the door--two feet from the
bin you built for them.
Larger tolerations involve swallowing your frustration when requested to
work “another” weekend, continuing to smile while a peer takes credit
for your ideas “again’ or ignoring the physical symptoms that say get to
the nearest hospital.
Given the pace and relentless demands many of us face at home and at
work, we often don’t have the energy to deal with these circumstances
and people, despite their negative effects. Yes, even small tolerations
have negative effects. Enough small tolerances in your life accumulate
into a flood of challenges and poor health.
Small changes make a big difference.
Have you ever cleaned out a drawer in the kitchen and chuckled at how
good it felt to have done? You finally clean out the garage and feel
like 100 pounds has been lifted from your shoulders. You clear the air
by asking your sister not to call before 7:30 am--a small thing that
causes you to tense whenever the phone rings at 7:10 am. She has no idea
it bothers you.
During the next 24 hours take ten minutes to write out your list of the
large and small things you are tolerating in life. Pick a two-hour
window and start tackling these irritations. (Fifteen minutes will also
work – just to get to action on what you’re tolerating.) Go to your
local superstore or hardware store and buy the tools, the photo albums,
iron-on knee pads, cleaning products, etc. so you can mark them off your
list.
If the toleration has to do with a person, set up a date to talk. The
first step to tackling a toleration is planning what it will require in
materials and/or time to change. One Saturday morning could be spent
gathering the supplies, the next using them to alleviate a toleration.
So, here’s your powerful question; What are you tolerating today? What
are you willing to do about it?