"What do you call a ballerina elephant with toenail polish?"

"Pinkietoes, of course!"

"Knock, knock."

"Who' s there?"

"Omelet."

"Omelet who?"

"Omelet smarter than I look!"

Well, they may not be sidebusters, but Kiel and I got a great laugh out of these jokes we read one morning just before school. With ten minutes to spare before the school bus came, we decided to give ourselves a "good shot" of fun to start our day and laugh.

When was the last time you had a good laugh? Even better, when was the last time you laughed at yourself?. I laugh at myself every day. I'm too intense. My greatest challenge is "being" in the present moment. The right here and now. Not concerned about things that did and didn't get done yesterday or anxious about not making deadlines tomorrow.

Three ways of measuring emotional health are to look at #1 your ability to laugh at your own hang-ups, pet peeves and imperfections, #2 your maturity level and #3 your self-esteem. Our imperfections are important for two reasons. First, they keep us humble. Second, they keep us connected to people because of our need to utilize others' strengths where we are weak. Your maturity level is reflected by how you handle personal needs and wants in relation to the needs and wants of the other relationships and responsibilities.

Self-esteem is reflected in your perception of personal worth and confidence. Also in how often you sabotage your own success.

Do you want to reduce your stress and improve emotional health? First, become flexible in your approach to life. (A tough one for perfectionists and control-lets.) Second, develop a win-win approach to people in negotiating and problem solving.

Life is ever-changing, terribly unpredictable and chaotic. There I said it. Did I also mention unfair?

I resisted admitting this reality for a long time because it sounded like negative thinking; cynical and helpless.

What it is, is reality. Because change is so constant, being flexible with your schedule is the #1 stress-reducing skill you can practice. Think of what happens to your breathing, heart rate, concentration and muscles when interruptions, accident, and mistakes fill your day. Consider it a joy and bonus when a day goes as planned. I do! And every so often it happens.

What helps you become flexible is the ability to allow results to not be perfect. The Serenity Prayer has always helped me deal with life and reminds me to be flexible; "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

The best place to start being flexible is with the "little things." For instance, letting my five year old decide what he wants to wear. What does it really matter if he doesn't match?! At least I don't have a headache when we're done getting dressed. (So, my eyes are a bit strained.)

Ask yourself, "How important is it?" Is not being able to get to the cleaners today worth being discourteous to the bank teller or store cashier?

Becoming flexible is about "letting go." Letting go is not about being irresponsible, but about doing what I can and accepting the results.

There is a distinct difference between "being the best" and doing your best. Given your season of life, energy level and support people, your best will change.

When I teach exercise classes I encourage students to stretch and challenge themselves. t's all right to be uncomfortable, but pain is not the goal. (Although it is true, we do the most growing and maturing when life creates pain in our lives.)

The opposite of letting go is living fearfully. What would you like to control in your life right now? (Write them down, it will make this information come alive and be more effective for you.)

A good attitude and action plan for letting go is reflected in the saying, "Act as if it's up to me, pray as if it's up to God." With all things -- do your best and let go.

Ask yourself, "What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, and then what?" Listen to your answer.

While the win-win approach is highly promoted in the business world, I wonder how much of it is genuinely felt or experienced.

Based on an independent, unsophisticated survey, conducted by me with friends and peers, the answer is, "Not very often." he win-win approach to relationships and problem-solving is great, but assumes that the egos of those involved are healthy. It also assumes trust has been established. Your effort and attitude are all you can control.

Develop an attitude of abundance. Emotionally healthy people operate from the perspective that there is plenty of goods (physical or emotional) to be had by ail. Your winning doesn't necessitate my losing. It's the opposite of the scarcity, "gotta grab it while I can" approach to life.

A win-win mentality needs to be learned. It helps to have training begin early. The first thing out of children's mouths, when they feel slighted is, "Hey, he got a bigger piece than me!" or "She got to pick first the last time." I sheepishly smile because that impulse still pops up in my mind.

Emotional health depends on an abundance verses scarcity philosophy. Think win-win, not win-lose. The verse to memorize is "I think I can, I think I can...and so can you !"

We tend to be very emotional about our money, so let's look at this from an "emotional" financial point of view.

Have you looked at your "financial image'' lately? Have you been caught up in other people's expectations for your financial success and forgotten some of your own goals and values?

A woman in a recent seminar explained that for her family, healthy financial choices meant they couldn't join the health club many of their neighbors belonged to and they didn't have a "great car." She said the trade off to do so would be more work hours for herself or her husband, unacceptable options since having time for their growing family was more important. That was a very conscious choice.

Delayed gratification is not something our culture teaches. Sound financial choices dictate a realistic view of limitations so debt does not destroy your life security.

It's easy to point the finger at those who drink, eat or exercise too much. It is easy to shake our heads at those addicted to drugs and sex. But overspending can also be a "mood altering fix." Just ask me after I've been to the Mall of America!

The key questions to ask yourself are; Why am I buying this? Do I need it or want it? Would it be better for my financial health (and possibly marital health) for me to control myself and not spend the bucks.

When you get a physical, the doctor looks at your temperature and blood pressure. Your blood pressure goes up and down ail day -- with each frustration, crisis, resolution, and quiet moment. Fluctuations are normal. Your temperature though should not vary a great deal. A temperature indicates illness.

The amount of money you have, like your blood pressure, can fluctuate frequently. That is normal also. The range in which it fluctuates is important to note however. It's important to keep your "emotional financial temperature" at a relatively constant state.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh writes in Gift From the Sea, "...for it is not physical solitude that actually separates one from the men, not physical isolation, but spiritual isolation...Only when one is connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be found through solitude.''

Oh, that is so true! But in our fast lane culture with multiple tasks and responsibilities, allowing ourselves time for solitude seems well...almost criminal.

Your spiritual health is dependent on your ability to create regular periods of solitude. For programming or deprogramming, as the case may be. We cannot know ourselves, discover our purpose and passions without reflective spiritual exploration. The spiritual filling of your mind happens in solitude.

Don't get me wrong. I think outside input through spiritual mentors, religious groups and studies are additional methods of positive growth, but it's only in solitude that you can ask yourself what you believe, how you feel connected to others, and how you want to serve others.

The questions to ask are, "Are my spiritual beliefs bringing me joy, comfort, guidance, peace, purpose? If not, why not?" What can I do today to change that?

Another quote from Gifts From the Sea echoes my heart's desire: "But I want first of all -- to be at peace with myself...I want, in fact -- to borrow from the language of the saints -- to live 'in grace' as much of the time as possible. By grace, I mean, an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony.., to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God."

With car phones, radios, TV's, CD's, kids, coworkers, Walkmans etc., it's quite easy to be externally stimulated day and night.

Make a conscious choice to schedule yourself for spiritual reflection, growth and health. Turn the radio off or get up fifteen minutes earlier tomorrow. Make time for solitude.

The goal is to program yourself for health in every area of your life. Small decisions each day create your success. Choose wisely -- your physical, spiritual, emotional and financial health depend on it.

I opened the last issue of Winning Lifestyles by describing my "Most embarrassing moment." Basketball success did not come to me until after I left the place where I learned. I blamed the coach for not "letting me play my best." Now that I think about it, I realize that it wasn't Mrs. B that didn't "let me" play to the best of my ability. I didn't let me. I put a lid on my potential out of fear. I didn't believe in myself. Never again. I'll start all over again tomorrow saying, "I think I can, I think I can...and so can you!"

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