Setting Boundaries On Your S.E.L.F.

Without exception, I hear this statement at every convention, corporate workshop or retreat I speak at, "I just don't have time to exercise."

Let me offer this universal truth as shared by Luci Swindall, "Everything I've ever done - I've never had time to do." Unless you carve it out, the time will never be there.

Setting boundaries on yourself and others enables you to 'fit in' the things which you value most. When you value your health enough, you'll make time.

Boundaries are a protective mechanism that can be either physical or emotional. They should look like fences. People often build boundaries that look and feel more like brick walls than fences. Fences have gates which allow the 'bad' out and the 'good' in.

"I don't have time for exercise" needs to be let out because it’s negative, helpless thinking. "I can get ideas from peers to get and stay active" is let in because it’s positive and creative in nature.

Before I begin exploring setting boundaries on others (in the next issue), it's important to tackle the issue of setting boundaries on your S.E.L.F.

Four areas of our lives cause the most physical, emotional and spiritual stress. Each can be positively in-fluenced by setting boundaries on ourselves.

Spending

Credit cards and cash cards have made buying what we want or need absolutely painless - the average American now has 8 credit cards.

Spending creates stress in two ways. First, all of the extra "stuff" creates excess. Excess clothes, shoes, books, nik-nacks and unessential clutter. Trying to find, sort, clean, dust and organize all of our purchases is time consuming and energy draining.

The other stress with spending is the financial burden of paying off debt. The price is high both financially and emotionally Consider the headaches, stomach aches, backaches and minor illnesses caused by fear or concern about paying bills.

Many people are under financial stress because of an inability to say "No" to an impulse purchase. My garlic baker is a perfect example. We want many things, but need very few.

Clarify your needs vs. your wants. Get honest. How often is something you 'need' really something you want to fill a void in your life. That void may be personal or professional. Notice what triggers a spending spree. Promise yourself to buy a 'want it' on your next shopping trip out. If you really want it, you won't forget it and may even find it at a better price. (The same trick works for eating binges/urges too.)

Recently, I was bitten by the simplify bug. I went into my closets and started tossing anything I had not worn in this last year. I shook my head at all of the wasted purchases. (Someone else will certainly smile on their good fortune as I gave it to charity.)

Expectations

How high is the ceiling on your expectations for yourself?. Two words could save the lives of thousands today. The first is simple, but difficult to say; it’s "NO".

In an effort to be cooperative and/or helpful, many don't learn that it’s OK to limit themselves to a certain number of commitments. Sometimes it’s healthier to disappoint someone.

The other word is "Yes" to positive nurturing choices.

Lifestyles

What lifestyle boundaries have you established for yourself?. You and I know how important nutrition and exercise are to your emotional and physical health. Y ou would probably agree laughter, quiet time, contribution, and spiritual growth are all significant contributors to your well-being. What boundaries do you put around alcohol, sweets, late nights, risky behaviors (i.e..riding without a seat belt in a car, or without a helmet on a motorcycle, ignoring work safety rules, sexually promiscuous behavior etc.)

If you live contrary to common sense and science as it relates to health, you value something else (smoking or overeating) more than your health.

Other influences that impact your boundary setting ability is a lack of knowledge, fear, low self-esteem, an inability to communicate and/or financial limitations. Gain knowledge and support and you will set better boundaries.

Fear

Fears dictate the lives of far too many people. What fear(s) get in the way of your boundary setting? Fear of losing someone’s friendship (approval), fear of 'hurting' someone, fear of success, fear of failure (looking less than perfect or capable), fear of never being able to catch up again?

Fear kept me from beginning Winning lifestyles, Inc. I was afraid that if I did well in the business, I may not keep my family first. These boundaries alter my choices. But they are my choices with my boundaries. The consequences would be far too great for me to do otherwise. Besides, Jack keeps me accountable for main-taining my boundaries.

Do you have someone that can hold you accountable?

Setting boundaries around yourself means saying what is and is not acceptable and paying the price without complaint. When commenting on his great weight loss, Zig Ziglar once said, "You pay the penalty for not taking care of your health and reap the benefits of maintaining it."

Keep in mind before the upcoming holiday season, setting and keeping personal boundaries is the greatest gift you can give yourself.


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