During this past holiday season Mastercard pulled on our heartstrings and hooked into our longings for strong loving relationships with its theme “There are some things money can’t buy, for all the rest there’s Mastercard.” We saw fathers spending time with sons, daughters taking their mothers back to their home countries for reconnection and generations of families gathering together for photos. Priceless moments is what they called them.

In the past two issues, we have talked about how we unknowingly sabotage our health, success and happiness by giving ourselves unrealistic, deceptive messages. There’s one more significant message that sabotages the health of your relationships. That self-talk message says, “My family, friends and peers know how important they are to me.” This thought assumes something that may or may not be true, yet can make or break the success of your relationships.

This message can do the most damage to your significant relationships because the translation your family and closest friends hear is, “I am so busy and overwhelmed, I don’t have the time or energy to slow down and be truly present with you. But I know you understand and you’ll be there when I have time to slow down.” Well, they just may not understand. They may not be there when you need/want them without your investment today.

Think of three priceless people in your life. Do they know their value to you? How do they know? Actions speak louder than words. What do your actions say about your commitment to these important relationships?

You have the ability to transform lives all around you, just by your presence. However, being fully “present” is one of the greatest challenges we have today. Take Bill, for instance, the president of a national firm with national business issues always pressing on him. During a recent coaching session Bill said, “Three years ago, I took my son to Canada on a fishing trip. I don’t think I was actually there for one moment of it.” With new insight, he now calls this son once a week to stay connected. Conversations last from 5-30 minutes. They are both enjoying a different relationship because he changed his actions.

By the way, physical proximity is not the answer. You may spend a great deal of time with those you love, yet not be present. “Being” is tough for the “doer.” Unless you’re checking items off a list, you don’t feel productive. Yet, our closest relationships grow most in those quiet moments of being together. Here’s a challenge, (that will give you great insight into your “being” ability) during this next week, while you are talking to or listening to one of your priceless people, do nothing else at the same time. Stop doing dishes, reading the paper, sorting socks etc.

If you have a financial planner, you may be familiar with what a portfolio review is. This is a report that enables you and your planner to remain updated with one another and track your progress with the financial goals you’ve set for the future. Family and friends don’t provide a Life Portfolio Review--but what if they did? The quality of your relationship is reflected on your childs’ face which lights up when you walk in the door. You can tell when you have a deep, hardy laugh with a close friend. You can tell when you experience regular, comfortable intimate moments with those you’re closest to. As ex-University of Colorado coach Bill McCarthy says, “You can tell the character of a man by the countenance on his wife’s face.”

Recently I asked a client to describe his last had a fifteen-minute conversation with either of his daughters. He paused searching his memory and finally said, “I don’t think I have EVER had a fifteen-minute conversation with them.” His daughters are 18 and 21 years old. He knows he loves them, but he needed help communicating that love.

Where do you begin? Begin with simple questions. For example, do you know your child’s or grandchild’s favorite teacher? And why? What’s his/her best friend’s name? What do they want to be when they’re adults? What have they learned about relationships that they think is important? What do they want to know about you as a kid? Use the same style and techniques you use for learning more about your current or potential clients with your family and friends. Listen with the same intensity and interest.

A small choice that can make a big difference in your relationships is to arrange two-hour and one-hour “dates.” If you can manage a two-hour date twice a month with your spouse and a one hour lunch or dinner with a close friend, also once a month, you will find that both relationships are amazingly recharged.

Busyness is the germ that destroys the health of your relationships. While each of your relationships require varying levels of time or energy, each do require your undivided attention. Five minutes of attention today could save you heartaches tomorrow. Those five and ten minute segments add up to strong, bonded relationship in one, five, or ten years.

The most influential leaders are those who can effectively communicate their expectations, needs, appreciation, fears and dreams. An inability to do so will determine the strength and health your relationships. Are there any relationships you need to improve this year? Begin with small amounts of focused time and energy.

Your relationships are what make you rich. Strong relationships require something more difficult to come by than money; time. Improving your communication skills and your ‘connectedness’ to those around you will do more to further the health of your family and business than any other step you can take this year. Need coaching in this area? I take Mastercard.

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