3 MORE Motives That Make a Negative Difference: Being Helpless and Confused Did you know that many different motives drive your behavior? Some negative motives can be as influential as more positive ones. In the last issue of Winning Lifestyle Connection, I talked about motives tied to people pleasing, that nagging sense of guilt and fear that gets in our way. Take a look at three more beliefs that can prevent you from making those small choices that make a big difference. 1. I Don’t Know Where to Start to Make Changes. Sometimes the changes you envision for yourself are so large and all consuming (impacting so many areas of your life) that you give up before you start. Being overwhelmed does little for your creative juices. To say you don't know where to start can be a fair statement. The best place to start is to write down and describe where you are today in each of the areas of your life and where you would like to be. Consider physical well-being, financial health, interpersonal relationships, intellectual pursuits, career aspirations and direction, spiritual health, and personal development (hobbies, self- growth). The difference between your reality (what you are currently feeling, experiencing, achieving) and what you would like to have or feel is called the gap. Your goal is to narrow that gap--not in one day, or one week, but at a pace that will help you make it stick. Defining a clear, compelling vision statement for yourself will help you move toward what you want to experience and achieve. A compelling vision statement says what you want your life to look like. When you have clarified that, you can begin to set realistic steps to get into action closing the gap. 2. I Lack Self-Discipline. It's not self-discipline you lack; it's commitment. When you are deeply committed to something, self-discipline is not the issue. Choice is. When you catch yourself saying, "I lack self-discipline..." acknowledge you are also saying, "Therefore, I'm not responsible for this choice." Usually, when people refer to their self-discipline, they're referring to choices around fitness and food. For example, a healthy, smart way of eating (versus a diet) requires self-discipline about what goes in your mouth. Fat rollers, blasters, and reducers don't work--at least not for the long haul. Intentional choices and smart actions do. Along with commitment, you also need patience and practice. 3. I Have Too Much on My Plate Right Now. If you're too busy to take time for your life, you're too busy! You only get one shot at this life. You get one body. One life. If your life is that full, allow yourself a longer period of time to adjust your priorities. If you have a heart attack tomorrow, were diagnosed with cancer next week, or lost a child to a sudden death, your life would change. You would be changed by your loss. If you recognize your plate is too full, why not make changes now--before a crisis? Don't wait. You can find time for what is most important to you. If your health is important (if it is truly a core value), you'll make time. You will never find a more perfect time than now. I Wonder: If you have ever planned a major event like a wedding, the path to a degree or long-term project at work, you have experience reducing a large task into manageable steps. What in your personal life would you like to do that with? Where could you start if you became wholly committed to it? What role or activity could you take out of your life and never miss right now? I didn’t ask how hard or easy it would be to take it out. I asked what you’d like to take out. Don’t do anything with that thought right now. Simply consider what would change in your life or energy if you created a strategy to lighten your load. You are planting a seed which can either be rooted or swept away...it’s up to you. excerpt from Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters by Kate Larsen (Expert Publishing Inc.: 2007 ) ----- Quote I appreciated Peter Senge’s comment as it relates so well to my own perspective. "People with a high level of personal mastery live in a continual learning mode. They never "arrive." Sometimes, language, such as the term "personal mastery," creates a misleading sense of definiteness, of black and white. But personal mastery is not something you possess. It is a process. It is a lifelong discipline. People with a high level of personal mastery are acutely aware of their ignorance, their incompetence, their growth areas. Paradoxical? Only for those who do not see that "the journey is the reward."" (From The 5th Discipline) ----- Let’s just say, I still have a long way to go on my journey. And, I’m glad you’re on this journey with me. If you have read my works or listened to me speak, you are aware of the importance I place on thinking differently to make lasting changes in your life, work or health. The THINK, CHOOSE, ACT, WIN model is based upon that concept. Judith Beck, PhD has an interesting and affirming comment supporting the message throughout Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters. Her comments address the first of the negative comments described above. I’d love to know what you think. Judith S. Beck, PhD Medscape General Medicine.  2007;9(3):13.  ©2007 Medscape Posted 07/16/2007 Why have physicians and other healthcare professionals found it so difficult to help people lose weight? Patients need more than instruction in changing their eating behavior and level of physical activity. They need to change their thinking so they can sustain behavioral change. Patients need to learn what to say to themselves to boost their motivation daily, to deal with hunger and cravings, to cope with negative emotions, to respond to their "excuses" for overeating and not exercising, to get back on track when they deviate from their plan, and to address issues of unfairness, disappointment, and discouragement. They also need help in solving diet-related problems such as uncooperative family members, lack of support, an overly busy schedule, food pushers, eating out, and traveling. These kinds of skills are part and parcel of cognitive therapy, an evidence-based psychotherapy that has been demonstrated to be effective in hundreds of randomized controlled trials for a range of psychiatric disorders and medical problems with psychological components.[1-3] A recent study showed that cognitive therapy is also effective in the treatment of a major public health problem, obesity.[4] Once patients have learned essential skills, dieting becomes much easier. Adding a focus on helping them change their dysfunctional thinking and solve problems can allow patients to lose weight, keep it off, and improve their physical and psychological well-being. That's my opinion. I'm Dr Judith Beck, Director, Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research; Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania. While not doing therapy, we are looking to take our lives to the next level. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be reading this. ----- Have you ordered your copy of Progress Not Perfection yet? If you enjoy the messages conveyed each month in this ezine, you’ll love the book. Go to http://www.katelarsen.com/products.html to order a copy for yourself and a friend. If you want me to sign it to you or someone else, put a note in your order and I’ll be happy to take care of it. Kate Larsen, PCC http://www.katelarsen.com http://www.wellcoaches.com/kate.larsen Phone: 952-943-1430 Author of Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters Executive coach for The Ken Blanchard Companies Faculty, advisor, mentor and executive coach for Wellcoaches Corp.