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Prioritizing Your Choices: Making Time for What Matters We live in an era of abundance in every way: material goods, opportunities, and activities, etc. With so many things to do, how do you choose? The challenge is to figure out how to spend your time so you’re consciously doing what supports your life vision. Create the habit of using the following perspectives to direct your choices each day. Doing this will help you shape your life to match your goals. 1. Make Choices That Won't Lead to Regret. One way to make a final decision to move forward or to make a choice about something is to ask, "Which choice will lead to the least regret?" For instance, on days when I've planned to exercise, yet have work demands in front of me, I get tempted to forge through the work and skip my workout. With sixty seconds of reflection I recognize that the benefits of my workout on my mind, energy, and stress level will help me get more done. Thirty to forty minutes of exercise gifts me with more stamina and peace of mind. Rarely has my commitment to work out versus get more work done resulted in regret. Regret can occur at the end of a day, at the end of a relationship, or after a diagnosis of a lifestyle-impacted disease. Do what you can today to positively impact your health and relationships so you do not regret the way you have lived. I certainly experienced this when diagnosed with cancer. Quite a few well-meaning people made the comment during and after treatment that maybe the disease occurred to give me a chance to rethink my life and make different decisions. Actually, just the opposite happened. I was deeply grateful to discover that I had no regrets with my choices. 2. Time Warps Work. A simple trick to employ when trying to make a choice is to do a time warp. That means in that moment of choice, you ask yourself, "In ten minutes, when this chocolate chip cheesecake is gone, will it be worth it?" "If I take on this work project, will it be worth it next month, for all the juggling I'll have to do to make it happen?" Admittedly, you often don't have a clear answer. Answer to the best of your ability with the information you have at hand, consider past experience, and trust your gut. You're downstairs an hour after everyone has one to bed answering emails. Self-coach by asking, "How will I feel tomorrow morning if I continue responding to these messages? Will it be worth it?" Also, keep in mind, you are also more likely to go to bed with an active, busy brain from processing all those emails right before attempting to sleep. 3. Scale Your Choice. In a coaching conversation, I often ask, "On a scale from one to ten, how committed are you to this goal? Ten being absolutely committed, it's basically done' to one being 'I forgot the goal already.'" If the answer is seven or under, the client and I work to adjust the goal so their commitment level rises to an eight to ten. It is only at that level of commitment that lasting change will take place. Remember the mantra, small choices make a big difference. Adjusting your expectations for your commitment may make all the difference. Have you ever requested something from people, were told they would handle it, and then discovered they dropped the ball? You realize they just said yes to get you off their back. That's what you do to yourself when you commit to a goal with a seven or less. You're setting yourself up for defeat. Instead of setting yourself up, adjust your goal so you can experience a victory. You may aspire to eat healthier each day, but your commitment to eat differently right now is at a five. The question to consider is, "What would I need to adjust in my goal to shift my commitment to an eight or nine?" For example, suppose agreeing to bring your lunch to work three times a week versus five times changes your commitment level to a nine on your commitment scale. If you ate better four or five times that week, it will be a bonus. You'll do your three times and experience a victory. adapted from Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters by Kate Larsen (Expert Publishing Inc.: 2007 ) ----- New Resources I just finished reading a fascinating book called, What Your Childhood Memories Say About You by Dr. Kevin Leman. While Dr. Leman shares the science behind memories, the more interesting take-away is what our memories reveal about who we are today. I remember the influence bullies had in my life (and when I was a bully) and recognize my mission today is to help fight the "inner bully" that drives people. Memories can encourage us when we use them and they can loose their power when we understand them. Dr. Leman describes our unique perspective that drives our memories as our "private logic" which is a term coined by psychologist Alfred Adler. "…your private logic is your subjective interpretation of the people, places, and things around you—a perspective that changes over time but that’s built upon the solid, immovable foundation of your formative, early childhood years." He goes on to say "The way you respond to each and every moment in your life reveals how you see yourself and the world. And as you examine your collection of childhood memories, you’ll begin to discover themes—themes that reveal your own private logic as clearly as the grain in a piece of wood." Dr. Leman talks about memories and birth order. And, why five people can be sitting at the same dinner table and walk away with five different interpretations of the same meal or event. One excerpt states, "You see, lies drive a wedge between who you really are and who you act like you are, and the greater the distance between those two, the greater the dissonance in your life will be." I enjoyed reading about childhood memories of Martin Luther King, Billy Graham, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa. The book also offers a collection of questions and suggestions about how to pull up memories that you may not recall easily. This summer I will be spending a few days with my mom and sisters for birthday celebrations. It should be great fun to discover what memories they will talk about as we use this book as a springboard for deep conversation---something we all love. Here is the link to the book: What Your Childhood Memories Say About You ----- Kate in the Media Kate was interviewed in the February/March 2008 edition of Certified News for the article; Diversification Can Bring Big Benefits, But are you Ready for Them? by Carrie Myers Smith. Look for Kate's business profile published in The Minneapolis Star Tribune March 9th, 2008 in the Business section, page D2. ----- Personal Fitness Professional Magazine runs a monthly column on coaching by Wellcoaches which began in January 2007. The March edition featured Wellcoaches faculty member, Kate Larsen. Her article, "Building the Coaching Model: Part 2" reminds us to encourage clients to focus on progress, not perfection. ----- |
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