Requirements of Healthy Friendships Are you friendships worthwhile? Do they meet your needs? Below are four must-haves for sustaining long-lasting friendships. For each point, I've included some solutions for improving your attention to that area. I've also provided "I Wonder" questions to move you to a new level of awareness and action. 1. Friendship Requires Commitment. Potential Problem Because we have busy lives, we need to make a time commitment to connect with friends, whether they are casual or close friends. You need to determine for yourself how much friendship time is enough for each friend. Keep in mind that different seasons of life afford varying amounts of time to connect. Solution Determine what is an optimal, standard, and minimum amount of friendship time you will commit to key friends. Each friend cannot get the same amount of you every week, month or year, but you can set some goals. (Remember: What gets measured, gets done.) I Wonder Who refreshes you? When was the last time you were together? How much time would it take to connect just to check in? Would it be worth the time? 2. Friendships Require Honesty and Trust. Potential Problem Too often we maintain masks that falsely proclaim, "Everything's fine." Make the effort to share your dreams, hopes, fears and challenges. Doing so can act as the glue that melds friends together. Real friends provide an environment that allows you to let out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes solutions to situations emerge by expressing out loud the inner turmoil. Solution Be honest with those few friends whom you trust. When you don't honestly share, even if your friends don't know what your truth is, they sense you are not being authentic. Be trustworthy. Gossip is a real friendship killer. Talking about others while they are not with you always sets you up for crossing the line. I Wonder Do you hold back emotions or thoughts that might make you appear weak? Do you gossip? If yes, what do you get from it? Do you speak truth with love and kindness? 3. Friendships Require Your Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Presence. Potential Problem. If you don't feel physically, emotionally, or spiritually grounded, you're going to have a tough time giving your energy, support, and true self to others. Solution Take better care of yourself physically (i.e., sleep, exercise, good nutrition), and you'll increase your physical capacity to have energy for friend time. Take care of your emotional self. Your physical environment (e.g., messy, organized, bright, dreary) impacts your emotional state. Ask for what you need and want. I Wonder What would give you the energy to connect with a friend, if only for ten minutes? What do you need from a friend that you haven't asked for? Are you ready to ask? Who fuels your spiritual self? What friendship drains you more than energizes you? Are you willing to let go of or greatly reduce your time with this person? 4. Friendships Require You to Actively Listen. Potential Problem The first step to being truly present is to actively listen and let everything else go. This kind of listening lets friends know they are important. With some friends, you are naturally able to actively listen. With others, you may need to work at it. Solution Listen without the need to respond in some brilliant way. Listen to what is being said and what emotions are being expressed. Trust your gut to listen for what's not being said, yet is probably overlooked by your friend. ("She's saying she's angry, but I'll bet she's really hurt.") Ask if your friend would like your observations. Share what you think with your friend's permission--she will be more open to your comments if you've asked permission to speak your mind. I Wonder Who has listened closely and fully to you today? How did it feel to be heard? If you weren't heard, how did that leave you feeling? Who have you actively listened to today? Take time to thoughtfully answer the "I Wonder" questions above and proactively make something happen. Make a call, write a letter, and set a date. Don't stop with good intentions; act on what you discover. adapted from Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters by Kate Larsen (Expert Publishing Inc.: 2007 ) ----- Kate in the Media Kate's business profile published in The Minneapolis Star Tribune on March 9th, 2008 in the Business Section, page D2.  Learn about Kate and what fuels her desire to help people realize their potential. Kate was quoted in the February/March 2008 ACE Certified News article "Diversification Can Bring Big Benefits, But are you Ready for Them?" Visit http://evolutionarysustainability.blogspot.com for the March 9, 2008 "Article on Wellness and Well-Being" for Kate’s reflection on the "W" word (Well-being versus Wellness) ----- New Resources The Middle-Class Millionaire – The Rise of the New Rich and How They are Changing America by Russ Alan Prince and Lewis Schiff I’ve got another great read for you this month. A new segment of the American population, the Middle-Class Millionaires, are making a significant impact on our society.  Throughout this book, authors Prince and Schiff draw attention to the four markers of “Millionaire Intelligence” – hard work, networking, persistence and financial self-interest.  This new and upcoming group is choosing to act on their beliefs according to their values, and invest/utilize their wealth according to their ideals.  Their approach in dealing with setbacks and failures is refreshing as well as motivational. Regardless of your age (Veterans, Baby Boomer, Gen X or Nexter), this information is insightful and useful. * We are now in the final stages of editing the complete workbook which will accompany the book Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters. It will be a perfect tool for book clubs, and/or personal study and accountability. Order your copy before May 30th and receive 15% off the cover price. You'll also be the first to receive your copy before the market. ----- Have you ordered your copy of Progress Not Perfection yet? If you enjoy the messages conveyed each month in this ezine, you’ll love the book. Go to http://www.katelarsen.com/products.html to order a copy for yourself and a friend. If you want me to sign it to you or someone else, put a note in your order and I’ll be happy to take care of it. Kate Larsen, PCC http://www.katelarsen.com http://www.wellcoaches.com/kate.larsen Phone: 952-943-1430 Author of Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters Executive coach for The Ken Blanchard Companies Faculty, advisor, mentor and executive coach for Wellcoaches Corp.