Transform your life, one choice at a time
Transform your team, one person at a timeDealing With Procrastination
I've put it off long enough…I can no longer ignore the fact I haven't put out the next issue of Maximum Performance, your Winning LifeStyles newsletter. I enjoy sending out articles with information that you tell me you use to make smarter, healthier, more productive choices. So, why is it, I put off writing for so long? I have a long list of topics, ideas and resources to pass along to you. A very long list. Hmm, I wonder if that's part of the problem. I have so many options; I don't know where to begin…so I don't.
I don't begin until that nagging feeling won't go away. Much like the saying, "We don't change until the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of going through the change."
Procrastination is putting off something. Most often people comment and laugh about what they are avoiding. A voicemail from my sister said, "Well, you're not there, I guess I can't put off washing this floor anymore." So, that's a lightweight item to procrastinate on (unless, of course it's been three weeks since you've washed your floor). However, many people live their lives on hold because they procrastinate finding a better job, or resist getting a check-up with their doctor despite pain and discomfort.
I've noticed that I only procrastinate on certain things. I tend to put off activities that I don't like to do (clothes shopping) or projects that seem too big to tackle in my short snippets of time. See if any of these other reasons for procrastinating sound familiar to you:
- being reluctant to take risks or try something new
- being fearful that the task requires more skills, competency or ability than you have
- not wanting to take responsibility for an unpleasant job or task
- avoiding confrontations or decisions
- not enjoying the task(s) that needs attention
These are so-clever and not-so-clever procrastinating techniques:
- blaming others or situations for your unhappiness so you don't step up and take charge of the needed change or action
- making big plans but never carrying them out
- staying too busy to tackle the more important, but difficult, situations and/or people in your life
- making big plans but never carrying them out (makes one "feel like" they're in action when they actually aren't)
- neglecting to manage one's time or plan ahead, running late, even for activities and people that are enjoyable
What sounds at first like a simple concept is really quite complex. The reason? Procrastination involves emotions, skills, thoughts, attitudes and factors we don't even understand in ourselves. Furthermore, the causes and dynamics of putting off an important, but unpleasant task, vary from person to person and from task to task for every individual. What one person will procrastinate weeks to take care of, another person takes care of in twenty-four hours. Even though both people are equally busy.
Procrastination's purpose, ironically enough, is to make our life more pleasant. Instead, it almost always increases stress, frustration, anxiety, disorganization and frequently failure. The wisest solution, of course, is to take action, get things done and avoid the agony. However, not everything about procrastinating is negative. For instance, even when you procrastinate you can 1) set good goals and declare you are going to change or succeed "sometime," 2) shorten the time you actually work on difficult things simply because you run out of time and 3) sometimes, abandon the goal and never have to take care of the unpleasant task at all.
Research and study on procrastination reveals so much information on the causes, reasons and solutions to handle the problem that a thorough discussion isn't possible within the confines of a short article. I do, however, want to offer you the opportunity to revisit some of the responsibilities, relationships or opportunities that you have been procrastinating on and offer some solutions to move you out of stuck and into action.
A great place to start is to look at the emotions associated with procrastinating. Putting things off is a behavior that is usually an attempt to cope with an emotional reaction. So, procrastination is a symptom, not a reason for being stuck.
Three typical emotions cause people to procrastinate. If you can identify the type of emotion that is limiting you, you can take action to change your thinking about that situation or person, alter your self-talk (always one of my solutions) and get things done. Fear of failure or success is one, anger or rebellion against control is another and disliking the work that needs to be done is yet another.
"The main reason people procrastinate is fear," says Neil Fiore, Ph.D., author of The Now Habit. Procrastinators fear they'll fall short because they don't have the requisite talent or skills. "They get overwhelmed and they're afraid they'll look stupid." It has been suggested that procrastinators would rather be seen as lacking in effort than lacking in ability. Fiore also describes two types of procrastinators: the relaxed type and the tense type.
The relaxed type often feels both an intense pressure to succeed and a fear of failure. The relaxed type often feels negatively toward his/her work and blows it off-forgets it-by playing. This denial-based type of procrastinator avoids as much stress as possible by dismissing his/her work or disregarding more challenging tasks and concentrating on "having fun" or some other distracting activity; if their defense mechanisms work effectively, they actually have what seems like a "happy life" for the moment. Long term, however, there are always consequences for neglecting the important activities and relationships in life.
Most of the clients I work with do not fall into the relaxed category because the organizations I work with tend to hire the type A, "go for it" kind of individuals. The individuals who hire me to coach are also the same type. For that reason, I'm going to share insights and solutions for the tense procrastinator.
A reminder: keep in mind that procrastination seems to develop in response to one's own specific fears. Anthony Robbins always says we do things to either avoid pain or experience pleasure. If that's true, procrastinating allows us to do both in the moment: avoid doing what we don't want to and do something else so we can check it off our "to-do" list-even if it's twentieth on the list.
The tense-afraid type of procrastinator is described by Fiore (1989) as feeling overwhelmed by pressures, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, dissatisfied with accomplishments, indecisive, blaming of others or circumstances for his/her failures, lacking in confidence and, sometimes, perfectionist. Thus, the underlying fears are of failing, lacking ability, being imperfect and falling short of overly demanding goals. It's the age-old dilemma of valuing ourselves for our doing vs. being. Even when this procrastinator takes a break in an attempt to relax and regroup to "get into gear" to tackle the thing they are avoiding-they feel guilty and more anxious.
Procrastinators (of the tense-afraid type) are defined in five forms:1. fear of successful achievement
2. afraid of failing
3. needs to feel in control and/or to resist being controlled by someone else
4. possessive (anxious procrastination is designed to keep someone you need close to you)
5. the pushback (designed to keep a frightening relationship at a distance)The following quick descriptor of each form and a couple of suggested questions to reflect upon and answer may help you discover an insight that enables you to get into action.
1. Fear of Successful Achievement
When you don't shine and you don't show your ambition or great ability, no one can expect you to do more. The pressure to maintain a winning streak is frightening and overwhelming to some. The fear of having to maintain a grade point average to keep you on the honor roll, may cause you to just "get by" in classes. The fear of having to write another "bestseller" may keep you from writing the first one. The fear of growing your business and having to continue to increase profits, remain creative and ahead of the curve, keeps you from being in the lead. Some people don't believe they deserve success and sabotage their success before they experience it fully.
- If you are successful, are you worried about how others will perceive you?
- Do you deserve success? Are you capable of handling it?
- Are you concerned about becoming arrogant, competitive, or a workaholic?
- What could you do today that would make you feel even "a bit" more successful? (Remember Nike, "Just do it." Fits here.)
2. Afraid of Failing
Not trying is a form of failure but it is not as painful as actually trying and failing. I have a friend who continuously changes his business models, attempts new tactics and strategies and never looks back or regrets his positive approaches to various forms of "failure." He thinks of it as finding ways that don't work and then attempts new ones-which he hopes will work. And often they do. I marvel at that attitude. Perfectionists feel overwhelmed and are either paralyzed or give up.
- Do you suffer from the "Imposter Syndrome?" (Do you believe others think more highly of you than they ought to? If they only knew what I didn't know.)
- Do you believe, "You must always be on time and do well." "You have to impress other people at all costs?" Would others say you believe in either of these?
- Use the mantra, "Fake it till you make it" and try the thing you're afraid of.
3. Needs to Feel In Control or Resists Being Controlled by Someone Else
Psychologists refer to these procrastinators as the "angry defiant" type. These individuals hold the irrational beliefs that "everyone must treat me kindly and do what I want them to do, and if not, I have a right to get mad and hate them." (Sounds much like the mantra of our culture that teaches that you should have what you want, when you want it.) This individual often runs late, resists rules and/or easily lets other people know when they need to "back off." Passive-aggressiveness is a very powerful expression of resentment.
- Is anyone bothered or inconvenienced by your taking your time or being late?
- Do you often question and/or rebel against rules?
- Do you value being able to tell others to back off and/or give you space?
- Pick one appointment today that you will get to on time. (When you normally wouldn't.)
4. & 5. Needs to Keep Someone Close or Needs to Push Someone Away
Both of these procrastinating styles are interpersonal in nature. Getting beyond procrastinating for this person will, 1) cause them to become more independent, successful, decisive and confident and responsible, or 2) launch you into an intimate relationship, which may be scary. The ironic twist to both of these procrastinating styles is the desire for intimacy, and a healthy relationship is sabotaged by the procrastinating behavior.
- Do you find yourself lonely and uncomfortable if you're not with someone?
- Do you find it hard to be alone? Do you like your own company?
- Do you seek lots of advice and still hesitate to make decisions on your own?
- How does pushing this person (or people) away benefit you?
What's a Procrastinator to Do?
Most people have to overcome the habits of procrastination slowly. Just like any other bad habit. Becoming aware of your procrastinating style helps you make different choices in your self-talk and behaviors. Small steps to changing are the best way to begin. Two common procrastinating behaviors sabotage many people's life success and health. The first is the tendency to procrastinate on making time for exercise. The other is dealing with the physical chaos of mess, papers, files, projects, etc. The great news is that both are powerfully impacted by some simple solutions.
You will know you are making progress on overcoming procrastinating tendencies when you are able to celebrate more frequent smaller successes. Like today, a client called on her cell phone while out walking. She was breathing hard and made my day when she said, "I just had to call and say, I'm out here doing my walk. It won't be long, but I'm out here. I'm so proud of myself. I started to say to myself I didn't have time today to get out there and then stopped myself and said, 'Even if it's short, I'm going.' And I did! I am doing it!" That's a small success that's actually big.
Here are a few powerful tips for getting unstuck and into action:
- Notice the activities, tasks or people you avoid. Ask yourself the questions supplied above. Then ask: is that (answer) true? What am I willing to do about it?
- Write a to-do list and make a schedule. Most of the actions you need to take (no matter how small) have to be scheduled into your day or they won't happen.
- The ten-minute rule rocks. Commit ten minutes a day to small portions of your overall goal. If your goal is to exercise, do it for ten minutes. If it is to start on a project, prepare, write, call, research or engage in aspects of the project that move you along. Can you do anything for ten minutes? Yes, I think so.
- Create a record-keeper system. Write down in detail the thoughts and feelings associated with the task you are striving to stop procrastinating about. This journaling will help you see how your fears, excuses, competing needs, and habits are diverting your attention.
- Evaluate your diversions for effectiveness. Taking drugs, drinking, overeating/snacking, watching movies, reading magazines, socializing, working on "other work" can serve as unhealthy diversions. Are your "relaxation activities" serving to relax you or divert you?
- Design a reward system for yourself that has meaning. What will you experience or do for yourself when you complete your action? Tell someone what you have decided to do for yourself when you stop procrastinating.
- Make your environment conducive to action. The ten-minute rule works beautifully for this. Commit to clean, straighten up or file for ten minutes a day. That's it. Ten minutes. You'll be amazed what cleaning up the clutter will do for your productivity and creativity. I have a Bose® noise-canceling headset to block out distracting noises in my environment.
- Put your focus on the successful completion of the task you are procrastinating about, not your failure to compete it.
- Tune into and turn up your self-talk. Tense-afraid procrastinators tend to be fairly self-critical. Listen to your self-talk (the banter in your head). Catch those negative thoughts, write them down and reword them in the positive. For instance, "I will never get this ezine done. Does it make a difference? Do people really benefit from it? Why bother?" The changed self-talk is "Yes, it matters. The information does motivate, inspire and encourage people. Even if it's one person, that makes it worth it."
If you stopped procrastinating about whatever it is you've been procrastinating about, what will that do for your energy, self-confidence and impact in the world? The progression of changed behavior will sound like this: Say to yourself, "I can begin now and get into action" (great self-talk), "I will commit to ten minutes a day." And you will soon be saying, "I am behaving differently."
Well, I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted. I got this article done after quite a bit of procrastinating. My reward? Self satisfaction, joy in seeing it go out and a relaxed mind.
How about you? How will you feel once you've tackled one of the items you've been procrastinating about? I love to hear about your small successes. And if you remain stuck, you can always start coaching with me to push past your "stuck points." Your success is my goal too! Stop waiting, go and make something great happen today!
Book Recommendation:
The Procrastinator's Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now
By Rita Emmett. A terrific book on the topic. Clear, concise, practical, powerful. Well written and well laid out with quizzes, quotes, stories that make it fun to read. I'll bet you won't even put off reading it once you see it!
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Websites to visit:
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If you are looking to feel better and look better physically, mentally and spiritually, make sure you check out Kate's new site and wellness coaching online system. It's outstanding. You can now view your goals, progress and personalized library of information at www.wellcoaches.com/kate.larsen.
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Kate Larsen is a full-time professional speaker and certified coach, who gives keynotes, half, and full day programs across the country and around the world. She has the ability and experience to make the material "come to life" in individualized follow-up coaching sessions when requested. Her high energy, high content, fun, yet informative programs help:
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